Victoria's Story — The Purpose Parcel

When we thought everything was perfect in life and never imagined anything bad happening. We were over the moon excited, the time had come for another baby. Everything was going perfect and then everything changed instantly! I remember at a regular doctor visit they had told me my placenta hadn’t moved into the spot it needed to be so he told me to sit as much as possible and not do anything extra. So, I did just that. We were traveling back home from a weekend in Austin when everything would take a turn! We stopped in Brady for Dinner I told my husband I’d be right back when I returned he could tell something was really wrong as it was. I had started heavily bleeding and I didn’t know what was happening. We ate very quickly so we could get back on the road and so I could call my doctor that night I ended up in the E.R where they said it looked like I had hematoma. I was monitored very closely from then on by my doctor, the bleeding would come and go, but on June 8th I remember hurting so badly I couldn't walk, lay down, or move because the pain was just so awful. I knew something was wrong. So the morning of June 9th I called my Dr. They told me to go ahead and come in. Once I arrived they did an ultra sound and saw that my baby’s amniotic fluids were low and said we needed to get in with the specialist as soon as possible.

June 10th, 2016 we met with a specialist. The ultrasound tech performed another ultrasound and didn’t really say much while she was taking measurements and checking over Londynn. (We were just happy to see her again). After waiting a bit, the specialist came in and would tell us information I never prepared myself for. I sat there I cried so hard, uncontrollably and even spaced out for some of our appointment. We were told my body was trying to abort our pregnancy. These were the hardest words to hear as a mother and I felt like a FAILURE. I felt I had one job and it was to carry her to full term and I was FAILING. We were told her heart valve was leaking, and that my placenta had started to detach. She was surrounded by way to many blood clots and she just didn't have room to grow. She was only getting half the blood flow and was basically starving for nutrition. We could see in the ultra sound that her itty bitty heart was working so hard and our first question was is she in pain? We were told no she wasn't feeling anything. We were told if I could make it to 26 weeks and if she survived she was likely have cerebral-palsy. We were terrified and didn't know exactly how to care for her needs if she survived, but we were ready to take on the challenge if it meant we got to keep our little girl. We prayed and prayed and prayed that God would allow her to stay. The doctor told us “you still have her with you now so let's take it one day at a time”. We left and headed home. I was put on bed rest and remember getting a phone call from my doctor later that day and that he had spoke with the specialist. He told me to increase my fluids to hopefully help increase her fluids. So that’s what I did.

June 11th and 12th I spent in bed drinking lots of fluids to help increase her fluids. June 13th came and we had an appointment with our OB. The day started off and we headed in hoping and praying everything was alright. I laid on the ultra sound table and the tech started… I remember looking at the screen and I couldn't see the flutter of her heart...my heart dropped because I think I knew deep down, and as the tech looked for her heart beat I looked over at her and could tell something was wrong. After a few minutes she confirmed our little girl wasn't with us anymore. I begged God for it to be a mistake and cried. The Dr came in he checked and had also confirmed she was gone. I left my that appointment so lost, empty, and wondering what I could’ve done differently and I was so angry!

We got scheduled for delivery June 14th at 5am. I remember I couldn't sleep the night before because I knew what the next day was about to bring and it was my last night with our baby. I sat on our sofa waiting for my husband and mom to pack up so we could head to the hospital. I couldn’t stop crying so my dad sat with me and just held me. We got to the hospital at 5 AM and they were behind so we waited in a room until noon. I was taken to labor and delivery and I asked to please just check one more time to make sure that a miracle had not happened but unfortunately it did not. At around 1pm on June 14th I had decided I wouldn't have the epidural. I was in labor for 24 hours and on June 15th at 1:54pm we both welcomed and said good bye to our little girl, Londynn Avine Dungan. She weighed 3.1oz and was 5 inches long. We held our baby girl, hugged and very gently kissed her, then whispered “we love you”. Soon after I was taken back for a D&C. I didn't want to leave her and I wanted to keep her and hold her forever...this wasn't the way things were supposed to go I was angry, and didn't understand why! I still don't understand why and find myself wondering because I want an answer to a question I'll never know until I get to heaven. Our hearts will never be the same and forever have a gap and piece that’s missing.

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