Kristen's Story
Hailey Ann was conceived on my 29th birthday in 2017. We were ecstatic. Our first baby. We celebrated her by having our family over and telling them the news. Then a gender reveal where we popped a balloon and pink confetti flew everywhere! I am still finding pink confetti and I love thinking back to that memory. Our loved ones spoiled Hailey the second they found out she was growing in my belly. When I would read a book at night and place it on my belly Hailey would kick/hit at it and it would jump up at me. Feisty like Mama! Even when her Daddy would fall asleep on my lap and snore unbeknownst to him she kicked at his head. I loved her personality already. She fit right in with our family.
My mom and sister threw us a beautiful baby shower where all the women in my life that I love showed up and supported us as always. Unfortunately, four days after the baby shower this blissful bubble we were living in popped. I couldn’t feel Hailey anymore. We went into labor and delivery and they could no longer find her heartbeat. I held onto Justin and cried harder than I ever have in my life. We were in complete shock. This happens? I was 35w2d. This isn’t something that happens after 12 weeks? We thought we were safe. I never even heard the term “stillbirth” before Hailey died. I don’t know how we made it through that sleepless night after I was induced.
Hailey was delivered on March 9th, 2018 at 11:07 AM. Three pounds two ounces of love. She was absolutely beautiful. Black hair just like I had as a newborn, cute little button nose and tiny little lips. She couldn’t be more perfect. I think while in labor I was in utter shock. A part of me thought that she would be delivered and we would hear her cry. She would be alive. We held her, family met her, and we kissed her good-bye. We had a funeral for Hailey and over one hundred people came to show their love and support.
Hailey was fiercely loved the second she started growing in my belly. We had Hailey cremated and she has a special place in our home amongst all of her things and beautiful gifts given to us in her honor. After seeing a maternal fetal medicine doctor they explained that the umbilical cord was hyper coiled which resulted in Hailey not getting enough oxygen & nutrients which caused her to pass away. We miss her everyday. Losing a child is a concept I can never understand. There are so many nights I sit here and just think “How did this happen? Did this really happen?” It all seems like a cruel joke. We have no choice but to live with out Hailey physically here on earth. We live in honor of her and spread kindness in her name. Grief is a roller coaster and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. You have to follow your heart and protect it. It is okay to be “selfish” in your grief. Since Hailey passed away I dove into the loss community and have connected with so many other bereaved Mamas. I craft for them in their child’s name and in honor of Hailey. Everything I do, I do for Hailey. I will always keep speaking your name Hailey Ann Brown.
HaileyAnnsHelpingHands.com
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